One day, I will stand up and walk out of here. I will bend my head forward, grip the arms of the chair with my weak hands, and push my body upwards. I will balance on the balls of my feet. I will waver a little at first, but become steady after a few seconds. I will take a deep breath, lift my chest up high, and exhale. I will bend my right knee, lift my leg, and take one step. I will bend my left knee, lift my leg, and take another step. I will glance to my left, to my right. I will make fists and begin to swing them at my sides. I will twist my torso, bend my right knee. At the count of three, I will run out of the door in front of me. That white door. That peeling, wooden door. That impossible door in front of me. One. Two. Inhale. Exhale. Three.
But not today.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
She had a nose that wasn't hers. Everyone in her family knew it was different. "Whose nose do you have?" She didn't know. She was told she had been born without a nose, so the doctors gave her a dead stranger's. A Jew, perhaps. She wasn't religious but she felt she should be. She didn't belong. Someday, she wanted to find the family of the nose. She wanted to see if she fit there, rather than within her own family. Instead of flared nostrils, the tip was hooked. Rather large. Because of this, she detested her profile. Even worse, after smashing her face on a kitchen bench while twirling in the kitchen circa 1996, one side of her face looked better than the other. It was a curse, this unfamiliar nose. What if she never grew into it? She would remain a stranger to others, as well as herself. Self-identity crisis. She would have to embark on a special journey--the journey of the hooked nose.